lucidity You always, always miss the point. I'm having dreams about you now like the dreams I used to have about J after he moved. Hideously vivid, realistic dreams that are so good while they're happening but torment me when I wake up. I'd dream that J would have come home, that he moved back, that he'd be waiting outside my door or he'd walk into my work. The first few months of dreams were always about him coming to sweep me off my feet, finally telling me he loves me too, telling me he had moved back. Then after that I'd dream about passing him in the street and him not recognizing me at all. And every single time, I hurt so fucking bad when I woke up. I just wish it didn't feel so real. Sometimes I wake up wondering if I've imagined the past month, and then it breaks my heart all over again to remember that I didn't. |