can't buy me love
there are few words for how surreal and wonderful it is to not relate to anything self-destructive.
usually even when i'm happy, i still want to fuck it up just to see what happens. not now.
now i just feel grateful and lighter than i have ever been, like the boulder i have been carrying has rolled away.
all i can think about is how, even when you knew you were dying, you still found so many things to be happy about. in the last days, you said the most important thing to you was all the people who had come to share time and love with you. i've been living by this philosophy - that the people in our lives are the most important part - ever since, and it has made all the difference.
i could die any day now and know that i am surrounded by love, and that is all that matters.