everything i have learned is wrong.
yesterday he asked me how i planned to talk to a child, when i am a parent, if that child continuously ignores requests to stop certain behaviours, and i couldn't answer the question. he said, if all you can think to do is yell, you are not ready to be a parent.
and he was right and i've been painfully jarred into realizing that i default to drastic actions in all my interpersonal relationships because i genuinely don't know an alternative. because that's how my parents responded, every time - by yelling. there was no point at which i felt emotionally understood or supported by my parents. it didn't even occur to me that children are supposed to be emotionally understood and supported by parents, that that is part of a parent's responsibility to a child.
everything feels so raw and raw and raw. i'm trying to do the hard work of unlearning and relearning better ways but oh god does it hurt.