i could not have known
i want to make meaning out of this/i am afraid to make meaning out of this.
but there is something there. my brain beats it back but my skin knows better. (see the goosebumps rising when you are not even present; when i am thinking about your presence.)
eight years ago you were the reason i felt nervous to go to that class. the i'm going to stare at the back of your head and build elaborate fantasies and obsess about them later kind of nervous.
now in the grocery store parking lot you are telling me you stopped going to that class because you were doing the same thing.
i don't know what to make of that. this has been so much chaos; you have been so many things. our relationship status is the definition of "complicated." but i love you, i love you, i love you, in a way i thought i would never feel again. i love you so much i don't care if we never touch again as long as i can see your face and hear your voice and be near you.
i thought i was broken until you. turns out i was just ... waiting.