always distracted what a strange space to be in. i feel so much less heavy here, in a new space, on the next adventure in this life. but i am plagued by ~feelings~. i have to catch myself every time i lean towards judgemental thoughts of m and l. it's too easy to condemn our differences because they hurt so much. i have so much lingering sadness (as always) while it feels like m has moved on to a new life - or a better version of his current life anyway - with a clean slate. i have also moved onto a new life. i don't know why i am still carrying the old one with me. then there's v and the weird, clouded space we are currently in. what are we? what will we be? do i move on? do i put the work into this? i am impatient for what i know only time can reveal. |