what hopelessness looks like
my therapist wants me to work on finding arguments against my core belief that i am permanently damaged but like
i don't know that i deserve to be whole or healed
after everything i've done
i can't find a way to forgive myself. because it was unforgivable. and i am uncomfortably living for other people now, just to avoid causing more harm.
i know what my therapist wants to hear and i can play the game and write it down for her but the truth is that i don't want to argue against it because i might convince myself i'm still worthy of a good life and i really don't think i am.
i fucked up my shot at this life.