just for today
i only write here now when i'm suicidal or in love.
some cosmic force is hellbent on keeping me in this life and i have no idea why. i should have died so many times by now. people i loved died so much more easily, people who actually wanted to be here.
i don't know why i'm still here. maybe it is truly random chance. but i know today i feel grateful for it. today i feel like maybe it would be okay to stick around a while longer.
i need to know you before i go. i don't know what that looks like yet, how time will bend and shift for us. i'm trying to be present in every single moment with you, to hold it like the gift i know it is.