i gave up so much for you and now i'm regretting it every step of the way. i fought with my family over you, because i wanted to be with you. i chose time with you over time with them. i chose time with you over time with everyone else i know. because i thought no one loved me more than you. i should have known better. i have so much grovelling to do now to make up for lost time with people who by far deserved my attention more than you. you didn't give up anything and i gave up everything.
i knew you didn't i just wanted you to say it. if you loved me, if you wanted me, things would have been so different. you would have been making as much effort as i have been this whole time. and i've been questioning it the whole way.
i should have broken up with you when i had the chance; too bad i actually care about you and couldn't watch you hurt like that. maybe it was all an act but to what end, what did you want me for after that? we never understood each other at all and in my mind i know that this is for the best, that being with you hurt me every step of the way and apparently it hurt you too. it's not the bad parts i'm going to be hurt by though but the good, because now all of it seems so bitter. and i know myself and i know i'm going to go over it in my head over and over and over again to find all the places where i knew you didn't love me and all the places where i knew that you really didn't want to be with me. knowing these things doesn't make it hurt any less, rationalizing doesn't make me feel it less.
i wish you'd let me break up with you when i tried to the first time. why would you fight for me and then not let me fight for you?
i want to be over this already. i don't ever want to be with another person who makes me wonder every step of the way whether or not they really love me. i don't want to be with someone who makes me guess, or expects me to just assume everything and be happy with that. i want someone who makes a fucking effort to keep me around, who treats me like i'm worth something. i want to be with someone honest, someone who wants to be with me so much that they don't even think about being with other people. i want to feel loved and cared about all the time, and i want someone who understands WHY i want these things. someone who doesn't make me feel like crap about myself all the time.