i am pretty sure the cognitive re-programming i have done while on various illicit substances having conversations with people who have incredible minds from dusk til dawn has been about as effective for me as SSRIs have been for other people with depression. the way i process and deal with things has changed fundamentally in the last year, largely for the better and largely because i have been able to put my brain in a space that was more receptive and sensitive to reprogramming the tendency my mind has towards negativism.
if i thought talking to strangers and taking legal drugs would help me, i think i would have done it a long time ago, but somehow i always knew that this was not my path, that i was meant to learn how to become more emotionally stable by interacting with people who approach the world in a different way than i do. and i am grateful for it, grateful that i found something that has helped. it gets easier every day, easy enough that i have finally realized that taking drugs that destroy my serotonin/dopamine re-uptake, while helpful in terms of cognitive reprogramming at the time, is probably something i should stop doing now if i hope to main consistent emotional stability.
what i mean to say is that i should probably stop putting shit up my nose now, because it was helpful for a while but now it just kicks me two steps back for every one i move forward, and i would kind of like to just keep moving forward now.