authenticity & palm readings
i had my palm read in february by a woman who basically cracked open my soul through the lines in my palm and everything has changed since then.
when you are living an inauthentic life only half aware of just exactly how inauthentic it is, it is like walking around with a shadow you can sense but not see. you know that something is wrong, that you are going about things in a way that is slowly wearing you down, but you don't know how or why or in what way or what you are supposed to do to face the shadow.
but she opened up my hands and revealed my inauthenticity so succinctly that i have not been able to turn away from it. i have been living this life devoid of real love, for myself and others, devoid of self-care, devoid of art & creativity, devoid of innovation, all of these things that are so vitally important to me and have always been. i have been hibernating inside of a protective shell, too afraid to be myself within the context of an oppressive relationship and being oppressive towards myself in terms of trying to make myself into someone else because i didn't find value in the authentic self (because other people weren't finding value in it).
this is a sick way to live and i have felt soul-sick for so long, like parts of me are poisoned and melancholy. i can't do it anymore. i want to love freely, spend time in nature, create without inhibitions, create positivity in everything i do, be the inspiring person i know that i can be. to live without fear of being myself. to love without fear of being myself.
i am not going to hold myself down anymore. i am better than this.