whispering about forever
it's like when i wake up in the morning and i'm grumpy and upset and at first i think it's because i'm mad at you, i keep thinking that all day, and then i'm home and we're on the phone and it all breaks down because i'm not mad at all, just sad and scared because i'm painfully aware of how soon i'm leaving you and all the small things i'm going to miss about you when we're so far apart. like that soft place behind your ear or seeing the freckles in your eyes and how they change colour depending on the light or being able to trace the lines of your palm with my thumb when we hold hands or resting my head against the curve of your neck so that i can tilt my head up to kiss you there whenever i feel like it, which is often. i'm more in love with you than i've ever been with anyone and the only reason i ever get upset about it is because i'm so terrified that it'll all get taken away, that i'll lose you, that i'll wake up and you'll be gone and i realize it never happened at all. i'm scared i dreamed you into existence, that you're not real, that you're not so perfect for me, you're just this mirage holding out a wavering hand to me until i get close enough for you to disappear. somewhere in my mind i know how irrational it is, and that part of my mind is the only thing keeping me from running away from this. i'm just scared of "to good to be true" and all that cliche shit. you're beautiful, you're amazing, i may never want to look at anyone else again the way i look at you. i want to fall so deeply into you that i can't get back out, that we're like this single entity in two bodies, braided together indefinitely. i don't want to picture my life without you in it.
i hope i'm always this in love with you. i hope you're always this in love with me.