bees, the ache
i can't sleep, i'm exhausted. i'm restless and angry, i feel as if i'm full of bees. i have this fear of bees now, did you know? i used to love them, they were my favorite insect until one flew up my nose and i swear to god it was trying to sting my brain. it stung my nose instead. i have this terror of insects flying into my mouth/up my nose/into my ears because i am scared they will infiltrate my brain and wreak havoc. those folds of neural tissue are extremely important to me, they are all i have. stay out of my nose, bees.
i'm craving a whole lot of things lately that i can't have. time with my best friends, being in the arms of my girl, dinner with my family. there is a deep satisfaction, being here, of independence and also with the quality of my education, but also a longing for all the things i used to know. an ache for the familiar. i'm not exactly lonely, i value my time alone too much for that, but i feel as if there is a comfort factor missing here. that is, no one here i feel comfortable enough sitting around doing nothing with, no one i can cuddle up with when it's cold. i miss touch, the comfort of hugs, being bodily familiar with other people. here i am isolated.
it'd be easier if i had a cat. i wish i could at least have a cat.