head and heart
I'm never going to be one of those girls. It won't ever matter how much weight I lose or how hot my clothes are or whatever, I'll never be one of those gorgeous girls who can walk into a room and just own it. The kind of girl every guy in the bar buys a beer for and every other girl wants to be. I try to be chill about it and not let it bother me because honestly, I hate that girly shit, but the fact is that I wish I were able to command attention like that. I feel like if people could just look a little harder they'd see the light in me that I feel there all the time, but because I'm not pretty enough or sexy enough no one notices. I become a wallflower, and it's a feeling I've always despised.
No one I knew in high school recognizes me anymore unless they've been with me in the past year or so; people I went to school with for ten years walk right by me without recognizing my face. I've changed so much it's insane, but the one thing that hasn't changed is this fucking insecurity, this way that I feel and have always felt about my body and how I look. And I fucking hate it, I wish I could just be okay with what I have.
There's so much more to me than this.