I don't like to cut people out of my life, I don't like to let anyone go. Because when it comes down to it I'm a painfully forgiving person and am entirely too willing to look past the bad things to only see the good. Or I see both in equal proportions but hold the good more in people's favour than I hold the bad against them, if that makes any sense.
Lately I feel like this forgiving part of my personality also says a lot about my lack of self-respect, and how I let people do extremely un-friendlike things to me and yet I still try to keep them in my life, even though internally I'm not ever really sure they deserve my friendship anymore after that.
But then I also know that I'm not always the best friend I can be; that I screw up sometimes too. So maybe part of that need to be forgiving also comes from the fact that I hope that if I screw up and hurt a friend, they will be just as willing to forgive me as I am to forgive them.
I just can't stop thinking about what she said. About how your ego must be ridiculously large to have believed that rumor in the first place, and how it's kind of messed up that I'm still friends with you after you almost let it ruin our friendship completely without even trying to clarify the rumor with me first. And you've apologized for it profusely and I do appreciate the fact that you can at least acknowledge how fucked up it was, but at the same time... you haven't really made much of an effort to make it up to me or to make up for how awful you made me feel, and it makes me wonder if you don't still believe it on some level. I don't know. I can't trust you anymore either way and it makes me wonder if continuing this is really worth it. I don't need you in my life, but I valued your presence in it, so it is frustrating that before all of this happened, I truly enjoyed your insights on the world around you & loved being able to share parts of my life with you that I can't really discuss with other people. But do I need this kind of drama and immaturity? Not really, no.