i will i will i will
letting myself learn to be creative again is this weird confusing process where i find myself constantly justifying what i am doing because i struggle to let it just exist in and of itself.
there is this enormous part of me that believes i am not very talented and constantly questions why i bother with any of this in the first place. that it's a waste of time, because no one will see or care about it anyway. somewhere in my heart i know that i'm missing the point, that it isn't about the audience but about my need to actualize my experiences in a visual format (because they fester if i do not), but that fear of talentlessness is crippling and it keeps me from doing anything and then i just get toxic and cranky.
i have a hard time making my happiness enough of a reason to do things that feel like they might be wasting time, but then i end up actually wasting time by scrolling through tumblr endlessly or watching things on netflix i don't care about at all.
this is the time to break the cycle. i will break the cycle. i will allow myself creative time. i will allow myself failure, rejection. i will allow uncertainty.