stubborn as fuck
Maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that you're not what I want, but I don't really know what I want so I settle for what is there and what is easy, but I have such a bad feeling about this and I don't want to ignore my instincts. I don't want to end up hurting you just because I'm indecisive.
There are all these people that I wish I could want, the people who actually want to be with me, but they are not and have never really been what I look for in other people. I felt it with A, the stupid thing is that I actually did want him, but it also frustrated me to the point that I couldn't give up my rules in favour of what he wanted from me. I know I'm looking for something different, something that challenges me, but beyond that, how do you define the perfect person? I want someone with similar interests and at least a mild overlap of music taste, but someone who has their own life away from mine. Their own friends, interests, activities, because that stuff comes first for me and I need my space. Relationships are always going to be secondary in my life.
Maybe that's also part of the problem - that I'm not willing to sacrifice any parts of my life in order to be with someone else. Or that I haven't met someone that I don't mind sacrificing things for. I did it for J, and lost friends because of it, but it was still worth it because I loved him. I guess I just want that feeling again, but with someone new. Someone who will make the right choice this time around.