i dig myself into holes so deep
if only i could simplify my mind, breathe out and forget all of this. if only i were as capable as i like to think i am, as calm, as down to earth. if only i could brush things off so easily like you do, the way you shrug and keep going like nothing ever hurts you. i sit here turning things over and over again in my mind like marbles, tarnished pieces of jewelry, useless baubles, until i'm either panicking or flat. yeah there's a dead look in my eyes lately, i can't help it if you don't like it, everything i feel lately is something i don't want.
when it comes down to it i don't know how to deal or how to not regret all of my choices. i knew this situation had the potential to be difficult, i just didn't think about what would happen if i ended up getting hurt.
so here we are.