i just really, really miss my friends.
i miss when jl was sweet and talked to me like an equal, without that condescending tone in her voice, i miss us actually having conversations. i thought we would hang out here, that we would be there for each other when we're both going through this huge change of moving, but we haven't really at all. i miss l before i became so disillusioned about her, i miss believing in her inherent goodness because all i can see now is that part of her that hurts people so carelessly. and i miss feeling like she cared about me. i miss f because without her my life is adventureless, and i'd rather have her telling me to just do things in person instead of just being the voice in my head. in general i just miss seeing her all the time. i miss jt because she's the kind of friend i can talk about stupid girly things with because she just gets it, because we tend to approach people and life in similar ways, and our in-person conversations are always a thousand times better than any long-distance communications. i miss m because she's my dirty hippie and life just isn't the same without her, life isn't as good without our midnight drives/walks with the music blaring or just sitting and talking in front of my house.
i miss my girls, i miss the family we used to be. even if i move back to where i was before, it won't change the fact that the family has splintered. jl and l will stay here and we'll talk less and less once i'm gone; m is in new zealand for the next year or so; j still lives in another city. i'll have my f back though and i'm thankful for that. it's just not the same anymore, it wasn't as cohesive a bond as we all believed it to be.