gone going gone
Sometimes I get so scared that you'll leave me for her and it's a fear I don't totally understand because I know how volatile things are between you still. It's scary though because passion is passion whether it's you being angry at each other all the time or you being into each other and I worry that the one could so easily turn into the other again. That I'd just stop existing in your world and you'd go back to her and break my goddamn heart. This is what I meant when I said that sometimes caring this much is scarier than not caring at all. I'm also just ridiculously irrational sometimes.
It's weird how I promised myself that I wouldn't turn this diary into letters to the people in my life [like my other one was] and yet here I am, using it as a letter outlet. It's like I don't even know how to write for myself anymore. I want to start writing poetry again but I can't find the words lately. There's all this stuff in my head that I want to put down but I can't manage to string it together, it all just jumbles in my brain like a series of photographs in an album that you can't see the connection between. They're just there, together, but they don't relate. It's frustrating. Where did all my words go?