i am more consistently mentally stable living on the prairies than i can ever remember being, and it is entirely because of the isolation. i know no one here aside from my girlfriend, and i am far enough away from both my blood and island families to avoid being drawn into their dramas.
being around the people i care about exhausts me. it renders me emotionally volatile because i intuit their feelings too easily, to the point where i struggle to separate the emotions of others from my own.
living here has made me realize that i am a calm person at heart, that it is the energies of other people that knock me off my foundation. my father called last night to tell me my mother is suicidal again and normally this would send me spiralling into that terrifying dark place in my mind that creates the worst possible scenario so vividly it is impossible to imagine an alternative. now i am calm enough to visualize and hope for the best. life goes on, we find ways to surmount every obstacle sooner or later.
being here with von feels a lot like rehabilitation, in the sense that i have been detoxing both my body and my mind, and every day i feel closer to myself, more whole. and i am filled with gratitude.