i want to shave my head, want to remember how to write honestly again, how to stop keeping secrets from myself, from paper, from the journals i don't write in anymore because i can't tell the truth in any concrete format since that time she read something in my diary told everyone about it cheated on me broke up with me over it. maybe i should be a better person and not have secrets or maybe i should stop being so scared of everyone finding out my secrets maybe i should write them down anyway.
it's just not safe anywhere anymore. i need to write in code on post it notes that are separated and look unrelated just to get out a story i can't contain. i want to remember this part of my life but instead i am just burying it, burying it so deep. worst secrets i've ever had to keep. i don't recognize myself, i'm hiding from my reflections.