anatomy of a kiss
i tied up all my notions in the strength of a kiss, like this philosophy about life that has more to do with how fucked up i am than any vital bearing on reality. like how i've never kissed all the people i've loved, or how i kissed a lot of people i could never love. so what category does that put you in? i want to say it's still up in the air but i've really never been able to love anyone i've kissed and well, that wasn't the direction this was going in anyway. maybe i'm just disappointed because i keep expecting this to be more than just sex but it's not capable of being what i want it to be.
i just want someone who cares as much about what i think as you used to. because no one does anymore and sometimes all the poetry i'm still writing feels like a waste because no one reads it and no one cares and i'm still just as soft as i ever was, just better at pretending to be stone. i want to get as intense as we did, the world hanging on the edge of a beautiful phrase, of our ability to make everything seem life-changing. i want to fall in love like waves crashing together, like minds melting and storms cracking the earth. i don't want all our words to be held between our hands, in our kisses, kept secret. i don't fucking do secrets.
i need someone to give me their mind, their soul, their heart. someone who wants mine as much as i want theirs. and i'll keep holding back until i find someone who needs it as much as i do.