i want to be a more honest person, but the thought of revealing more of myself is so terrifying to me that i feel panicked every time i think about it. i am probably one of the most insincere people i know, generally in an effort to always be polite, and it hasn't really done anything but make me feel terribly superficial. but being honest about myself and how i feel about others is potentially more difficult than i have the stamina for, because i do a very good job of hiding how truly misanthropic i am in an effort to be able to move through daily life without being completely alienated, to move through life without creating more obstacles than there already are.
i hate humanity. absolutely thoroughly. the human race does nothing but destroy each other and the world around them; what little good we put into the world does not even close to balance out the bad. i feel disgusted with myself and those around me on a daily basis solely based on the fact of our existence. i cannot stop thinking about how easy it would be for all of humanity to improve the way we treat each other and the way we treat the environment that sustains us and it makes me fucking sick that we are too lazy as a species to actually make changes. we are too dependent on economic gain and have completely lost sight of everything else that might have value. the only thing we value now is money.
i see this in all of the people around me and sometimes it is really difficult to pretend i don't hate every single one of us. we are a fungus upon this planet, slowly depleting all of its resources and destroying every last bit of beauty it holds, save those we deem economically valuable enough to preserve. we are a fungus upon each other, leeching away whatever hope or spirit we may have with endless hate and pettiness. we do nothing but carelessly hurt each other in a myriad of ways.
i don't want to be a part of it, but what other option is there?