doormat I feel like I constantly let myself be used and taken advantage of and otherwise taken for granted, but I don't like to talk about it with people because nine times out of ten I wonder if it's actually just all in my head. I give as much of myself as I am able to, and in a naive fashion, expect to get the same back. Then when I don't, I feel stung and shafted. Or, like I said, taken for granted. People get so used to me being self-sacrificing that they stop appreciating it and start expecting it, but I can't turn off my need to make other people happy, so I keep doing it and in turn feel like a complete puppet and a push-over. It makes me into a very bitter person and I'm really not sure how to just turn it off. Sometimes I want to walk the streets naked; strip down all my clothes and just keep walking until the elements have taken their toll on me and I just wither away where I stand. I just want to feel less inhibited by all these things I use to keep myself grounded. |