sigh. Why couldn't you just be honest with me? Why couldn't you have just told me how much it bothered you, that you felt like I was getting too involved with her? Why couldn't you have told me how hurt you were by it? Because if you had I would have told you the truth - that for about two days I thought I had feelings for her, and it really scared me. I felt unbelievably guilty because I didn't want to feel like that at all. And then I thought about it, and thought about it, and then I realized that I didn't feel that way about her at all because all I really wanted was your love. The only reason I thought I liked her was because at the time, she was paying more attention to me than you were - she actually cared about what I thought. I'm not saying it's okay, I should have stopped talking to her the second I realized that. I still feel really bad about it especially knowing that it hurt you. And for the record, it didn't hurt me that you slept with her. What hurt me was the timing and the circumstances - that you chose to sleep with her even though you knew how unhappy I was at the time, and how frustrated I was about the fact that we hadn't had sex in nearly a month. I was really hurt that you went home and had sex with her when you knew I really needed you with me that night, when I asked you to stay. Part of me wishes we could work this out but the other part knows that you are too proud and stubborn a person to ever want to try. And what it comes down to is that we will probably never understand each other at all. |