a million little pieces
I separate all the parts of my life by the people I associate them with, and I like to keep them separate. Lately, though, I'm noticing how strange it is that each of the parts don't really know about each other, and they don't know what I'm like when I'm not with them. I'm not and have never been one of those people who is the exact same way with everybody. It's not that I'm two-faced, because I really don't believe I am, it's just that I'm ridiculously complicated. There are so many facets and traits that make up all of who I am, and there's no one person in the world that I feel comfortable expressing them all with yet. My family probably gets closest to seeing all the parts, but even they are in the dark about some things. I'm not dishonest about it either - if someone confronts me about something that I've kept to myself, I own up to it. It's just that I don't want to put everything out in the open right from the get-go. I like my secrets, I need them to help me feel like a real person. Sometimes I can be a little too honest.
It's not that I don't want all my friends and family to know each other either, because I would absolutely love that. It's just that I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they wouldn't get along. In the same way that I know there are some parts of me I just can't share with certain people.
I wish I could say that I didn't keep secrets and parts of myself from you, but it would definitely be a lie. For as much as I let you see, there was still a large part of me in the shadows. You just couldn't handle all of me; I'm still looking for the person who can.