itís just this empty feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know youíve just been fucking up for the sake of your youth, because you can, because you can get away with it, when your life begins to revolve around finding new ways to be as irresponsible as possible. you worry maybe if you arenít that way, youíll be fingered as a square, someone clean-cut and entirely too safe, but baby your ideas and thoughts are so radical that you could never be contained by a two-dimensional configuration of lines. so you think maybe you should clean your act up and forget about the booze, forget about the drugs, forget about the endless strings of parties, because maybe youíre getting a little too old for this shit and maybe youíre just not built to handle it.
maybe itís in your blood to fuck everything up, maybe it isnít. maybe itís never so simple as just giving it all up when the desire to shorten your life span is constantly nagging at the back of your mind. after all, why take care of your body when you lack the desire to maintain your longevity in the first place? but itís not really about that, itís not even about your body or a long life, itís about not screwing up all the chances you have in the life youíre already living. maybe itís about not wanting to lose your self-respect.