fear and loving
If I ever complain about not being in a relationship again, please give me a swift smack across the face. If I am ever without love or romance, it is because every time it is offered to me, I chicken out completely and run away, act uninterested, "forget" to call. It is because I am afraid that if I invest myself in another person, I might actually fall in love, and for some really fucked up reason this absolutely terrifies me. I don't have love because let's be honest, I can't handle the idea of someone else actually liking me enough to be in love with me. I'm too comfortable thinking that my love is never reciprocated, that I'm not worthy of someone's love or attention.
I think that this could potentially be an amazing relationship, that we could fall in love if mutual effort is put in. I think this could be something wonderful and drama-free, romantic without being stifling. But I honestly don't know how to accept it, or how to swallow my fear and accept how you feel about me. I'm already running away from it, because I could have invited you over tonight and I know you would have come, but I chickened out and made excuses instead. Could someone please teach me how to kill all these insecurities?