i want the ocean right now.
Why do I even bother? You are not worth the time or effort to even PRETEND to act civil. The worst part about it is that you are completely blind to the damage you cause and your self-pitying bullshit is so transparent and overplayed. You're going to crush her completely and not even feel bad about it because you're justifying it to yourself by making sure she knows what the "deal" is but it doesn't change how she feels about you or how you're giving her hope by letting her think you feel the same. Or by letting her think those feelings mean anything at all, or change anything. I don't know what I did to make you stop giving a shit about me and at this point, frankly I don't care. If you couldn't just talk to me about it in the first place, that is YOUR problem, not mine. Good riddance, I am done.
I want to move out to the coast. I want the ocean, sunshine, European architecture, flowered market squares, people who RECYCLE and say hello in the streets, smoking pot and partying with chill people, classes about feminism from people who actually LIKE women's studies, reading and writing in the sun on the grass, on the porch with a joint between my fingers. I want to be able to bus to Tofino, ferry to Vancouver, party at Sunset Beach, people-watch from a bench on campus. I want the experience of living away from my family and all the people I've known for years and years, the chance to get to know so many new people and to learn to be responsible & independent.
I want to get away from the life that is holding me back from experiencing so much.