we are walking into the spiral of an open eye, a staircase within a dilated pupil leading to the chaos of synapses firing a thousand messages a second to every part of the body, to a heart beating faster with the passing moments, the ticking of a clock moving forward so quickly you lose track of the time or the existence of time altogether, somewhere between the beat of a hummingbird's wings and the rise and fall of the moon.
i found you anchored to nothing, weightless, skimming time from the edges of horizons you cannot see with vision that gets worse by the hour. you drown in yourself, blow away every time the wind changes course, hang like a burr from every mother figure you find until you are brushed off and move on, trying to find a place to stay, to plant yourself, to grow; trying to find the one home that wants to keep you, and in the course of changing tides you fill your bloodstream with every escape available just to hide from your own heart, because you bear the planetary weight of your own pain and the pain of everyone around you, and you cannot bear the weight of anyone seeing it at all.
you are the brightest mirror, the darkest pool of dreams. you are the reason i eschew food for drugs, the reason i am awake endless nights, the reason i have walked half the length of this city. you are my near death experience, a tumble into a tunnel of light i am not even trying to see the end of. you are the reason i am wide awake.
i have been on this bender since september, a twisted mountain highway throwing curveballs the size and speed of avalanches, slowing me down only long enough to find a way to climb over them or explode my way through them. between the blow and the booze, the mdma and the lsd, insomnia, ink, the rush of bodies, exhibitionism, i have found momentum, freedom from limits i am only now discovering i have had the power to destroy all along.