I hate how ridiculous this is and how I'm probably fucking it up again because my fucking insecurities always get in the way. No one deserves to deal with me and I don't know how I can keep forcing myself on people when I'm this manic fucking mess, when I'm being so selfish and self-involved. I should lock myself in my room until I feel like a decent person again.
Every time I start to feel like a strong person, I find out there are still things that crack me so easily. There are fissures in this wall and they leak so horribly.