so take what you want from me
watching fluorescent city lights burn and blur through snow-flake coated windows thinking about how ethereal it would be to jump from the top of one of those downtown skyscrapers and fall, fall forever through lights reflecting through office windows to draw maps on my skin guiding me down to the ground. i want the wind to grip me and hold me up, then die and drop me down as i blink. to let go of the edges that keep me just left of something bigger. i want hooks through my skin to keep me suspended above the earth where my heart is buried, i want to hang by the skin of my back and not need anything else but this body that i have and the things that keep me rooted to the ground. the earth surrounds, i'm buried down there with you and you go further south every day and i can't help but think you just get further away from me. boy, come home and tell me stories.
i used to make you grilled cheese and strawberry jam sandwiches in the morning when you were hungry. you were the cook but i cooked for you so you wouldn't have to, so maybe just once you wouldn't think i was completely useless. sometimes i thought i could make you love me more if i could just feed you better or do things better so i made my sister teach me how to make pasta so i could surprise you with it one night and all you did was get mad about the fact that she'd brought food over. my heart is too fucking big and all i wanted was to make you happy and all you want is someone who treats you like shit.
baby girl, i'm a blur.