i need a better magic 8 ball
it still feels surreal to be here, in this particular life, right now. as if i have entered an alternate reality i wasn't supposed to.
i fall into the trap of domestication so easily, it always feels like doing anthropological field studies on pseudo-heterosexual life. the fact that my partner has a vagina doesn't really negate how heteronormative this really is.
this same internal argument reoccurs every few months: to be bound into attached-at-the-hip relationships that satisfy me for a short period of time but eventually go stale and irritate me, or to dabble in casual dating that also excites me at first but eventually becomes irritating because it can be so shallow and unreliable?
i am unhappy again and still cannot determine whether this is meant to be a life lesson in being patient enough to let a relationship mature, or if i am once again settling for less than i deserve.