as a matter of contention i have this thing about pride. it has been a personality trait of mine for as long as i can remember. my mother likes to bring it up whenever i'm having issues with friends because she of all people knows just how deep and acute my sense of pride is, and how unforgiving i am when it has been injured. when i was eight i had a friend, i'll call her k, who lived across the alley from me and was my best friend from when we moved into this house until i was about eight or nine. i remember that her birthday was on my half birthday and for some reason we bonded over this. one year near her birthday, her eighth birthday i'm fairly certain, she told me that she couldn't invite me to her birthday party because her other friends didn't like me. as far as i was concerned, our friendship was over the second she said it. i have absolutely no use for people who are willing to disregard their friends for the sake of other people's comfort. i can't think of anything more disloyal and as a proud person, i refused to be subjected to it. that is the first memory i have of coming up against disloyalty in people and acknowledging my extreme distaste for it. it has come up again and again in my life and my response is always the same: you can do whatever the hell you want, but do not expect me to still be around afterwards. it's coming up again now. my best friend decided for whatever reason that our friendship was no longer worth it to her, that she would rather use me and then continue to be an asshole afterwards because she couldn't handle the consequences. a month later, i'm the one she's calling on the phone when she's drunk and fighting with her girlfriend, because evidently i'm one of the only people who legitimately cares about her (duh. as if it wasn't obvious based on the way all her other friends disappear when there are no drugs around). she should have thought of that before throwing me under the bus. i can put up a with a lot of bullshit but throwing your ex-girlfriend at me, expecting me to fix the situation, abandoning me when it doesn't go the way you wanted it to, and then completely disregarding the apology i didn't need to make are not on the list of things i have any kind of tolerance for. don't make me feel like a complete ass and then expect to be able to come crawling back. i am not answering the phone next time. |