i feel like a traitor always now. i can't lean into this with a good conscience because i know how i felt about him and even though everybody knew everything and technically consented, i still feel like an adulterer.
i always felt like his side piece. it was polyamrous but it still felt like your cliche affair. no matter how out in the open things were or what our genders were, there was always that lingering feeling of "he's never going to leave his partner even though they make him miserable."
it took me too long to realize you liked being miserable. that the subordination was all part of it for you.
it took me too long to realize a lot of things. i wish we had kept it to sex. that was the part that worked. everything else was a disaster.